angevon

Author's notes: See this page for rating information and the chapter index.

Content Warning: This chapter contains some minor mention of self harm / suicide. Please stop reading when you reach the bath scene if you are sensitive to such things!

Michiko was sitting at the kitchen table.

Yosuke had just come home from work to find her there with her hands curled around a coffee mug. Yu was at the table, too, but by the look of things, the two hadn't been talking. At least, it was obvious that he wasn't interrupting anything when he walked in.

"Micchan?" Yosuke asked from the doorway.

His wife avoided his eyes by looking down at her mug.

Yu vacated his seat, leaving the chair pulled out for Yosuke. "I'll go to the other room," he said swiftly.

Yosuke stared after him. He kind of wanted Yu's support. But this was his own problem, couldn't expect his friend to fix it for him. He took the seat, and the chair scraped against the floor with a sound that made him wince when he pulled it forward.

He watched his wife. Her posture was stiff, like a tightly wound coil. "Michiko," he said when she didn't speak. At that moment, he decided he wasn't going to call her by the pet name anymore. It was obvious that she wasn't planning to stay.

"I needed a change," she said, finally meeting his eyes. "I felt trapped here. I couldn't—can't—handle it anymore."

"T-talk to me, Michiko," he pleaded. "Can't we work it out? We can... we can take a vacation, if you need a change of scenery. A nice, long one. Or if you're tired of this place, we can move, find a new place to live." She was shaking her head at his words, so he finished desperately with, "If there's something you want, just tell me, please!"

She turned her eyes away, pursed her lips together, and remained silent. When she turned back, there was a hardness to her face. "I'm thinking of divorce."

He let out an involuntary whimper in his shock. It took him a very long time to gather his thoughts into words. "If... if you do this," he said, his voice shaking, "there's no going back. I want you to understand that. You might think I'm a sap, but... I'd let you come home right now, no questions asked." He took a moment to continue. "But if you go down this path, and then you find out it's not what you wanted at all... If it all goes wrong... I'm not... I'm not going to be your fallback, Michiko."

"I don't expect you to be my fallback, Yosuke," she replied, matching his gaze evenly. "By now you should have realized that I'm not coming back. Please stop clinging to this false hope. I don't hate you, Yosuke, but I don't want to live here with you anymore."

He had no response to her words.

Why...?

He loved her, and she knew he loved her, so why...? He worked his jaw for several moments before finally croaking out, "Wh-what about Kichirou? Are you just going to leave him behind?"

She paused for a moment, closing her eyes and steeling herself. "I... want you to have him."

He opened and closed his mouth in surprise.

"And before you ask," she said, "of course I will visit him. He is my son."

Yosuke relaxed somewhat. He knew her, and she meant that. "Is that it, then?" he asked slowly, blinking away the moisture in his eyes. "You're just going to go? Just like that? How... how am I going to contact you?"

"I will contact you," she said simply.

She made to stand up, and Yosuke growled, "At least see our son before you leave us!"

She fixed him with a flat look. "I was going to."

He followed her as she strode into the living room, keeping some distance away and watching her closely. The way she moved, the way she held herself... Michiko seemed like a completely different person from the woman he had married. But he suspected it might be an act. She was trying to prove to him that she didn't belong here anymore.

Yu was on the couch, holding Kichirou and covering the boy's ears so that he couldn't overhear the conversation they had been having in the kitchen. Yosuke was glad for Yu's presence once again; without his 'uncle' to stop him, Kichirou would most certainly have eavesdropped or interrupted.

Upon release, the boy ran straight to his mother and hugged her stockinged legs. "Mooom!"

Michiko patted the boy's head. "Kicchan. I'm going away."

Yosuke bit back a complaint—she didn't have to be so direct with the boy! At least talk to him a little...

Kichirou looked up at her with his big brown eyes. "Mom! Where are you going? Can I come with?" She opened her mouth to answer but the boy continued. "Can Uncle Narukami come too? And Dad!"

She glanced at the two men in the room, somewhat befuddled. "I have to go alone. Kicchan, be good for your father."

In the periphery of his vision, Yosuke saw Yu twitch, but he was too busy bottling his own rising anger to worry about it.

Michiko tried to pull away, but the boy clung to her. "M-mom... Don't go..."

"I can't stay here, Kicchan," she told him. Her tone betrayed some hint of sorrow.

"You love me, right? And Dad? I love you, don't go...!" Kichirou began to cry.

Michiko bent down to embrace the boy and kissed his forehead. "Of course I love you, Kicchan. But this is something I have to do." She leaned in towards the boy's ear and whispered in his ear. "I'll be away for a while, but it won't be forever. I promise, my darling." She hugged him tighter. "Please be strong."

Kichirou, sniffling and coughing, clutched at her dress. Michiko extracted herself carefully from his grasp and stepped away, a mixture of emotions on her face. As the boy called out to her, she seemed hesitant to leave. She patted his head one last time before finally making her way towards the door. She paused before leaving to wipe her eyes.

And then she was gone.

Before the front door was even shut, Yu took Kichirou in his arms and tried to soothe him. Yosuke paced back and forth behind the couch, his roiling emotions giving him too much energy to sit still.

He still didn't know why, and that's what hurt him the most. What exactly about living here with him couldn't she stand anymore? Something he couldn't affect?

A divorce...

Then he heard Yu's words, whispers to his son. "I love you, too, Kicchan, and so does your dad. We're both here for you. You can let it all out."

Yosuke moved to his son's side, a new emotion taking priority. "Ki-kun... Are you all right?"

He wasn't—he was still crying. Yosuke joined him on the couch and Yu shifted the boy into his arms, allowing him to take over the job of reassuring the boy that he was loved and that he'd never be alone. Eventually the sobbing subsided and the boy pulled away from Yosuke's tear-soaked chest to wipe his eyes.

"Are you better now, Ki-kun?" Yosuke asked gently, rubbing the back of the boy's head.

"Dad," Kichirou mumbled.

Unsure of how else to reassure his son, Yosuke kissed the top of the boy's head and kept his arms around him. Kichirou was quiet, but he didn't ease his tight grip on Yosuke's shirt.

After a very quiet, contemplative dinner, Yosuke essentially collapsed on the couch while Yu cleaned up the kitchen and Kichirou excused himself to his room. Yosuke knew he should have volunteered to help Yu, but in his state of mind, he'd likely drop something or absently put the dishes in the fridge.

When Yu joined him on the couch, Yosuke had his arm draped over his eyes. "I'm looking my future in the face and I'm not sure I can handle it, partner."

"You mean being a single dad?" Yu asked.

"At this point we know for sure Michiko is not coming back. Will Kichirou-kun be okay without his mom?"

"My uncle managed to raise Nanako-chan," Yu pointed out. "You can do it, too."

"'Big bro,'" Yosuke quoted absently. He sighed and moved his arm away to stare at some arbitrary point in space. "Dojima-san is tough as nails. I... I'm not like that."

"Let me tell you something, Yosuke. He felt exactly the same way. Every time he looked at Nanako-chan, he was reminded of his wife." Yosuke grimaced at that. Dojima's wife had passed away, making that family's situation far different from his. "It hurt him, but he still did his best. And Nanako-chan has grown up into a nice young woman. A little spoiled, maybe..." He chuckled lightly.

"Dojima-san's little princess, huh? How did he handle it when she was angry and upset and asking for mom?"

"There'll be times when you just have to wait for him to calm down. Then, tell him the truth, as much as you can. It might not be easy to explain, but... He'll know, as he gets older, that you're doing the best you can."

"Wh-What if he blames me," – Yosuke swallowed a lump in his throat – "d-dammit, he might, he might start resenting me, right? I don't—"

Shaking his head, Yu interrupted. "He doesn't blame you. Kicchan adores you. Isn't that right, Kicchan?" he shouted, looking towards the hallway.

Yosuke turned his head. "Ki-kun? Were you listening?" His mouth felt hot and dry.

Hesitantly, the boy stepped out into view. "Umm..."

Yu gestured for him to join them, then shifted in the couch to give him room to sit between the two adults. The boy came forward until he stood in front of them.

"I'm sorry, Dad..." the boy said, looking down.

"It's all right..." Yosuke didn't feel like lecturing him for eavesdropping. Not after the day they'd had so far.

"Kicchan, we're just trying to figure out what's going to happen next. It's important to you, too, so you should join us."

"Actually, what's going to happen next is bath time," Yosuke said, looking at the clock on the TV. "Are you ready, Ki-kun?"

"Oh... okay," the boy said, though he looked a little disappointed.

"Yosuke, no," Yu interrupted sternly. "You've got to talk to him. It's not just your world that's been shattered, but his, too! Unless you plan to talk to him in the bath."

Yosuke hunched his shoulders, chastised. "Y-yeah. All right. You're right. Ki-kun, come here." He patted the empty space between him and Yu, and the boy joined them there. They spoke quietly together about how much they loved Mom, how they missed her already, and how they would continue from here.

While bathing with his son, the warmth of the water spoke to Yosuke, making him want to stay there and soak a bit longer. He helped Kichirou out of the tub, but didn't drain the water. He dried his son off with a towel and helped him into his pajamas. "Go ask Uncle Narukami to read to you and put you to bed, all right?"

"Okay, Dad," Kichirou replied. He left the bathroom. Yosuke closed the door after him, then slipped back into the tub, letting the warm water wash over him. He leaned back until most of his body was submerged.

Damn, he was tired... tired of everything. He yawned and pushed away the floating shark toy that was bobbing at his chest. Then he closed his eyes.

He didn't know how long he slept—not long, probably—but he awoke to Yu violently shaking him. He floundered in the water, splashing it all over his friend's clothes and the floor because he didn't remember he was in the bath. "Yu, what?" he spluttered, looking up at his friend.

He saw the hysterical fear on the man's face morph into fast relief. Yu's shoulders slumped in a sigh. "Sorry, Yosuke. You didn't answer the door, so I thought... that maybe something had happened."

Yosuke blinked at him and yawned. "Nah, I just fell asleep." He shifted in the water. It was barely lukewarm, growing colder by the second.

Yu was trying to catch his breath. He wiped his face and then shook his head. "You had me worried for nothing! You're supposed to sleep in a bed, Yosuke. Not a bath."

"Yeah, all right, I'll get out." Yosuke unplugged the drain, and then made to get up, but he began to slip. Yu was there in a flash, steadying him and guiding him down to the stool near the wash basin. When Yu began to dry him off with the towel, Yosuke waved him away irritably. "I can do this myself, partner!"

"Okay, okay!" Yu retreated from the bathroom.

Yosuke took a long time in drying himself, thinking it over. He was actually pretty flattered that Yu had checked up on him. It wasn't safe to nap in a tub full of water.

When he went to the living room, dressed only in his undershirt and boxers—hell, he was ready to go straight to sleep and forget this day had ever happened—Yu handed him a cup and said, "This'll help."

Yosuke took a sip and then held it out at arm's length with a startled grimace. "Is this wine? Where did you get it!?"

"There was a bottle in the top cabinet, above the fridge."

"We aren't supposed to have any alcohol in this house," Yosuke said with a frown. "Was it open already...?" Maybe it was Michiko's secret stash.

"It'll help you loosen up!" Yu declared. "Just for today, Yosuke. Even if you don't normally, you're allowed a drink today."

His offer was tempting, but... Yosuke shook his head. "You can have it."

Yu looked at the cup with a mixture of emotions, then back at him. "We need to talk."

They moved to the kitchen. The wine bottle was conspicuous on the table, and Yu grabbed it before sitting down. His other hand was occupied by the cup. He stared at the table between them, and it took him some time to find his words. "Yosuke, I... For a moment there, I thought you might've killed yourself in the bath."

"Wh-what? I'd never do that!" Yosuke squawked in protest. "I've got Ki-kun to think about!"

"You said you couldn't handle it," Yu said. He let go of the cup to press his palm against the table and looked at Yosuke directly in the eyes. "Don't ever do that. Please."

"Yu, partner, it's all right," Yosuke assured him. "I didn't say I wouldn't try to handle it! I'm scared, yeah, but I'm not a coward. Why would you even think that?"

Yu hesitated, and then his eyes avoided Yosuke's. "Because I tried to once before."

Yosuke's mouth fell open. "Wh-what, partner?"

The man sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "Your wife back there... That whole scene reminded me of my mother. I clearly remember a time when I begged her not to leave on a business trip."

"I'm sorry you had to see that," Yosuke muttered.

Yu waved him into silence. "When I was growing up," he went on, "my mother's attention was what I craved the most. And let me tell you, it was quite rare to receive." He heaved another heavy sigh. "So, in middle school... One day I was cutting out something for a project. I put the edge of the scissors right here," – he demonstrated by stretching out his forearm for view – "and..."

Yosuke was speechless.

"And that's all I did," Yu finished, "because I knew it would only disappoint her, and I couldn't do that. No, I could never do that." His laugh was bitter and humorless.

Yosuke stared at him. Today was a day for distressing revelations, wasn't it?

"I just want you to know," Yu said, smiling at him kindly, "that things will get better, okay? They did for me."

"Y-yeah..." Yosuke swallowed, his mouth too dry. "P-partner... uh..."

Gray eyes looked back at him.

"H-hit me up with some of that wine! I think I need it..."

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